Boots

The following conversation took place in Practical Ann's head when Free-Spirited Ann was trying desperately escape the confines of pragmatism. You see, F.S.A. promised to give her not-really-that-cute boots to Sophia to wear with her Halloween costume (a gypsy, fortune-teller, vampire combination). P.A. was not feeling good about the decision.

Practical Ann: "Hmm. Maybe you should hold on to those. You remember how hard it was for you to find boots to fit over your cows...er...calves?"

Free-Spirited Ann: "Are you kidding? I've lost nearly 40 pounds. If Kim Kardashian can get boots to fit her calves, so can I."

P. A. : "You DO realize that HER boots were custom made and cost as much as your car, right?"

F. A. : "Whatever."

So, Free-Spirited Ann embarked on a quest for cute boots after ridding herself of the oldandnotverycute ones from her past life. Much to her dismay, like Cinderella's evil step-sisters, not a fit could be found. NOT ONE BOOT WOULD ZIP PAST THE ANKLE. Upon closer examination and zipping the boot up to examine the size of the opening that would not contain the power of her calves, she was shocked and, yes, dismayed by the size of the boot top. As if the demoralization of the non-zipping boot were not enough, the size of the hole was amazingly large.

"How can that NOT fit?!"

Seriously, every single boot failed me. Every one. And there were witnesses.

P.A. has banished F.S.A to the basement for awhile to tend the cinders of her ego. Now the only boots she has are the ones from her Mrs. Incredibles costume, and those are definitely notverycuteboots.